Adventures in weeding

[greenygal]

...or, how trying to dispose of your old comics is more emotionally difficult than you might think.


ALL-STAR SQUADRON

ME: Okay, this has been retconned out like five times over, and half of it is Roy Thomas continuity porn for things I didn't care about even before that, I can probably just--
LIBERTY BELLE: Here I am being awesome and self-possessed and totally in charge in 1942! Miss me?
ME: ...as it turns out, yes.
FIREBRAND: I am prone to motivational tragedy, which does not prevent me from being fierce, loyal, and decisive.
JOHNNY QUICK: I am entertaining and irreverent, even if Libby does have to tell me to shut up a lot.
TARANTULA: I have the best costume. And a pretty decent gimmick.
ME: Guys, please be quiet before I am encouraged to start buying the issues I don't have.
INFINITY INC.: Does this mean we're safe?
ME: We'll discuss it later.


ALPHA FLIGHT

ME: Pretty sure I don't need--
ALPHA FLIGHT: But I contain characters you are very fond of!
ME: Well. True. I should take a look.
*an hour later*
ME: God, do I really own the story where Northstar is dying because he's an elf? Why do I own this story? Why do I own half of these stories? Why are the plots so muddled? Why do none of you ever stop complaining?
ALPHA FLIGHT: ...so, pruning?
ME: With a big pair of shears.


AQUAMAN

ME: Why do I even own th--
GARTH: Hi there!
ME: Oh, right. Yeah, sorry, hon, I don't think you're going to save this for me. We'll always have fanfic, though.


CHASE

ME: Wow, I never even finished this, did I? Wonder if it's worth keeping a--wait, there's a trade? How the hell is there a trade?
CHASE: Some people remembered me, you know. I had guest appearances.
ME: Yes, but you're a ten-issue series from the '90s about a nonpowered female government agent!
CHASE: Not entirely nonpowered--
ME: Not the point! How did you manage a trade over ten years later?
CHASE: I suspended the laws of probability by force of awesome.
ME: ...I will accept this. And buy the trade.


COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS

CtFC: Er...
ME: YOU ARE LUCKY I CAN'T ACTUALLY HOLD A CEREMONIAL BURNING.
CtFC: Look, just because I am generally agreed to be awful and nonsensical and killed off one of your favorites after assassinating his character doesn't mean I am completely without merit!
ME: YES IT DOES.
CtFC: Pied Piper blowing up Apokolips with a Queen song.
ME: ...all right, that issue can live. The rest of you, however... *holds up lighter*


GREEN ARROW

OLIVER QUEEN: Hey, babe.
ME: Huh. You...are kind of a jerk.
OLIVER QUEEN: Really not news?
ME: Yes, but I'm feeling less charmed by it this time 'round. I think it may be time for us to break up, at least in books your kids aren't in.
OLIVER QUEEN: But we've been together so long! You've spent so much time hunting down my stories!
ME: And now it's years later and there has been so much awfulness and you are literally not the guy I used to know, and I'm just burned out. Yeah, breaking up for totally real. ...huh. This must be what it feels like to be Black Canary.
OLIVER QUEEN: I look very pretty when drawn by Mike Grell.
ME: ...dammit. Yes, exactly what it feels like to be Black Canary...


GREEN LANTERN

HAL JORDAN: Um...
ME: Next!


HULK

ME: So. A decades-old run I haven't read in years, focusing on a character I don't especially care about and largely disconnected from current events. What do you have to say for yourself?
HULK: HULK IS STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!
ME: Wrong era.
HULK: Oh. Er...well-characterized, funny, and a strong supporting cast?
ME: Damn. There's always something.


SILVER-AGE JLA

ME: Yeah, we're parting ways.
JLA: But we're classics!
ME: I know, I know. It's not you, it's me. Now, unless you have any Justice League International members on the roster, it's time to fight crime elsewhere.
JLA: ...Batman?
ME: Nice try.


LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES ISSUES I HAVE IN TRADE

ME: Well, obviously I don't need these.
LEGION COVERS: *stare*
ME: Guys, I will still have you, just in a more durable and manageable format--
LEGION COVERS: *emanate emotional appeal*
ME: ...is being a Legion fan a treatable condition?


NEW UNIVERSE

ME: Explain to me why I'm getting rid of DP7, which is written by Mark Gruenwald and universally agreed to be the best of the lot, and keeping all of Psi-Force? Even the dumb parts?
NEW UNIVERSE: Because your inner thirteen-year-old still loves it, and there's no winning against that. Sorry.
ME: *sigh*
ME: I can dump the mini-series where a cosmic two-year-old saves the world, though, right?
NEW UNIVERSE: God, yes.


THREE DOZEN RANDOM AND FREQUENTLY INCOMPLETE MINISERIES

ME: ...It is just possible my buying habits could be a little more selective.


WOLFMAN TITANS

TITANS: Ahahaha good luck.
ME: Come on. There are like five years of complete trash at the end, and you know it.
TITANS: Oh, as if your completist heart will allow you to break up the set.
ME: You just watch me. Baby Wildebeest, for Christ's sake.
TITANS: *smugly* We shall see.


CLAREMONT X-MEN

X-MEN: ...yeah, don't even think about it.
ME: *meekly* Maybe some of the mini-series?
X-MEN: Maybe.

Comments

[caiusmajor]

Oh god comics. *eyes all my boxes sadly* At least you have the space to even know what you have to try to get rid of!

[greenygal]

Oh god, comics.

That pretty much sums it up, right there.

And yeah, you need the space to bring the comics out, and then you need the space to sort, and then you need the space to make piles...it is a messy process.

(Amanda will be pleased to know that original flavor SUICIDE SQUAD and associated miniseries are on my "absolutely keeping" list.)

[out_there]

Hee! In some ways, this makes me glad that my prized XMen collection at 16y.o. got thrown away in a move. (I mean, not that it was a huge collection. 2 faithful years of four titles isn't *huge*, but I do still have a visual memory of some of those page layouts, even all this time later.) It's one of those strong emotional connections where I think it needs to be a big, clean cut or else they just argue their way back into the bookshelf.

[greenygal]

*rueful* You may have been lucky at that, because they do a lot of arguing. The above is exaggerated for comic effect, but not as much as you might think.