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Dec. 8th, 2003 04:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greenygalLiving bat-gods. Kryptonian werebeast plagues. Space locusts with miniature red suns in their tails. Ah, the Silver Age. Lately I've been immersing myself in old issues of World's Finest, back when it was an anthology title (five stories per issue--pretty good value for a dollar), and I'd like to share some lessons I've learned in the process...
--Do not use your telepathic abilities to learn Batman and Superman's secret identities. It never works out well.
--Alfred Pennyworth is capable of successfully impersonating Bruce Wayne. Exactly how this is accomplished is not revealed, and frankly, I don't want to know. :)
--It is entirely legal for superheroes to break into the houses of retired criminals, regardless of how flimsy the evidence may be that they've actually, you know, done anything wrong.
--So it turns out that if Superman and Batman both had kids, Clark Jr. winds up with the brawn and the brains, while Bruce Jr. is a hot-headed skirt-chaser. I'm repressing my desire to see these two meet Tim and Kon-El. Really.
--The sight of Batman strolling through a park on a Sunday afternoon is perfectly normal in Gotham. Hey, even dark terrors of the underworld need a break sometimes.
--If you are a superhero who routinely uses robot doubles to impersonate you (it's one way to get out of staff meetings), your office closet is an ideal place to keep them. Just make sure to keep the door locked.
--And while we're on those robots, did you know Superman programs them to sulk? No, seriously. Of course, in this case "sulk" seems to mean less "sit in the corner and think about how everyone's so mean to me" and more "rip apart iron bars with my bare hands." It's super-sulking.
--Going back to the past and trying to alter specific events to avert a nasty future? For wimps. Instead, go back and try to kill the entire human race! It's the only way to be sure.
--The brains of your dead enemies are perfectly acceptable souvenirs to keep in your secret hideout.
--If you are a card-carrying super-villain, do not attempt to forcibly wed a woman who is good and pure of heart--and considerably smarter than you--just because she's tall and blond. You'll only be setting yourself up for years of therapy. And jail time.
--If you are, for whatever reason, unable to hit a woman, it is wise to team up with people who are not so handicapped. Otherwise you're eventually going to be in big trouble.
--Just because a super-hero has his headquarters in a secret cave (located beneath a large mansion) which is filled with lots of crimefighting machinery, a car, and a plane, do not jump to the conclusion that he's Batman. (But if you do...well, it's an honest mistake.)
--If you are running for office in your civilian identity, and you are trying to avert suspicion that you are actually a super-hero, it's still quite all right to have your candidacy endorsed by half-a-dozen members of the Justice League. No one will think twice about it.
--Green Arrow can hide his entire superhero outfit--including bow, arrows, and that Robin Hood hat--under a pair of jeans and a very tight-fitting shirt. Now that's talent.
--If you give Oliver Queen an editorial column and promise to publish anything he writes for you, sooner or later you're going to regret it. Probably sooner.
--If an already ticked-off cop is demanding information you don't want to reveal, it's highly unwise to mention that your civilian identity knows it.
--Never let Bob Haney near Black Canary and Green Arrow unless you're prepared for the readers to snicker all the way through the ensuing story. (Sample: "I've got scary vibes, Oliver, that these ghetto gauchos will wreak mob justice on Adele or other cops!" "Maybe I can steal their fire by a column on how mob-ism is strictly bad stuff, Dinah!")
--You know, for all the above goofiness, the pre-Crisis Batman and Superman? A joy to behold. Old, dear, best friends, who could watch each other's backs, chat companionably as pals, or damn near die for each other (and woe betide the villain who tried to use one against the other). Sometimes I miss the old days.
--Do not use your telepathic abilities to learn Batman and Superman's secret identities. It never works out well.
--Alfred Pennyworth is capable of successfully impersonating Bruce Wayne. Exactly how this is accomplished is not revealed, and frankly, I don't want to know. :)
--It is entirely legal for superheroes to break into the houses of retired criminals, regardless of how flimsy the evidence may be that they've actually, you know, done anything wrong.
--So it turns out that if Superman and Batman both had kids, Clark Jr. winds up with the brawn and the brains, while Bruce Jr. is a hot-headed skirt-chaser. I'm repressing my desire to see these two meet Tim and Kon-El. Really.
--The sight of Batman strolling through a park on a Sunday afternoon is perfectly normal in Gotham. Hey, even dark terrors of the underworld need a break sometimes.
--If you are a superhero who routinely uses robot doubles to impersonate you (it's one way to get out of staff meetings), your office closet is an ideal place to keep them. Just make sure to keep the door locked.
--And while we're on those robots, did you know Superman programs them to sulk? No, seriously. Of course, in this case "sulk" seems to mean less "sit in the corner and think about how everyone's so mean to me" and more "rip apart iron bars with my bare hands." It's super-sulking.
--Going back to the past and trying to alter specific events to avert a nasty future? For wimps. Instead, go back and try to kill the entire human race! It's the only way to be sure.
--The brains of your dead enemies are perfectly acceptable souvenirs to keep in your secret hideout.
--If you are a card-carrying super-villain, do not attempt to forcibly wed a woman who is good and pure of heart--and considerably smarter than you--just because she's tall and blond. You'll only be setting yourself up for years of therapy. And jail time.
--If you are, for whatever reason, unable to hit a woman, it is wise to team up with people who are not so handicapped. Otherwise you're eventually going to be in big trouble.
--Just because a super-hero has his headquarters in a secret cave (located beneath a large mansion) which is filled with lots of crimefighting machinery, a car, and a plane, do not jump to the conclusion that he's Batman. (But if you do...well, it's an honest mistake.)
--If you are running for office in your civilian identity, and you are trying to avert suspicion that you are actually a super-hero, it's still quite all right to have your candidacy endorsed by half-a-dozen members of the Justice League. No one will think twice about it.
--Green Arrow can hide his entire superhero outfit--including bow, arrows, and that Robin Hood hat--under a pair of jeans and a very tight-fitting shirt. Now that's talent.
--If you give Oliver Queen an editorial column and promise to publish anything he writes for you, sooner or later you're going to regret it. Probably sooner.
--If an already ticked-off cop is demanding information you don't want to reveal, it's highly unwise to mention that your civilian identity knows it.
--Never let Bob Haney near Black Canary and Green Arrow unless you're prepared for the readers to snicker all the way through the ensuing story. (Sample: "I've got scary vibes, Oliver, that these ghetto gauchos will wreak mob justice on Adele or other cops!" "Maybe I can steal their fire by a column on how mob-ism is strictly bad stuff, Dinah!")
--You know, for all the above goofiness, the pre-Crisis Batman and Superman? A joy to behold. Old, dear, best friends, who could watch each other's backs, chat companionably as pals, or damn near die for each other (and woe betide the villain who tried to use one against the other). Sometimes I miss the old days.
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Date: 2003-12-08 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 09:34 pm (UTC)Sporfle.
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Date: 2003-12-08 10:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 09:42 pm (UTC)Those old comics were something, huh? (Although I was a Spidey-gal, myself.)
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Date: 2003-12-08 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 09:59 pm (UTC)You're right about pre-Crisis stuff being good and hearty fun. There's a story in the Alan Moore collection where Batman breeds Superman a rose (okay, so it gets smushed and they have to rescue Supes from mind-warping evil), but... yeah. They were buddies who could fly places together because Clark could just *carry* Bruce without all of the personal space issues.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 11:13 pm (UTC)There's all sorts of examples in the issues I read (and those are doubtless just a drop in the bucket), but I was particularly fond of #276, starring the not-unreasonably-forgotten supervillain Double X; the plot isn't much, but Superman's concern that Batman is driving himself too hard in trying to find the guy is sweet, and then at the end Superman, believing that X has used Superman's own powers to kill Batman, appears about five seconds away from turning X into a really icky red spot on the wall. He's stopped by the hasty intervention of not-dead-after-all Batman, and they bond. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-12-08 10:12 pm (UTC)It is a strange thing that I grew up on such comics, although I'm not nearly so old as that makes me sound. (And also why I got somewhat impressed when I found you wrote Legion fic, which I hadn't quite imagined.)
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Date: 2003-12-08 11:23 pm (UTC)But I've only written a scant few Legionfics--if you're at all interested, I highly you recommend you go over to the Legion Fan-Fic Archive (http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shuttle/8110/index.html), where they have lots more (and better) stuff.
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Date: 2003-12-08 11:53 pm (UTC)And thanks for the link! I'll have to go check it out when I get free time again. Any recommendations?
(And what other comics do you read? Just mostly DC superheroes, or other stuff as well?)
no subject
Date: 2003-12-09 02:17 am (UTC)Levitz?
I've downloaded the first issue of Legion, and glanced through a couple more recent ones, but there was something eerie about not quite knowing what was going on.
The current series is not my favorite incarnation of the title (my feelings for the most recent issue notwithstanding ;), but I find it far more interesting than the final issues of the previous writers. But I came in around issue #3, and I still don't always quite know what's going on. :)
although I've been talking my self out of getting one of the LSH TPBs for long enough I'll probably end up buying it.)
Yeah, I know how that goes. :) Which TPB is this? The Archive stories are generally quite good (bearing in mind the era in which they were written, anyway), The Great Darkness Saga is an essential classic, and The Beginning of Tomorrow, the collection of the first post-reboot stories, is great.
And thanks for the link! I'll have to go check it out when I get free time again. Any recommendations?
Oh, god, there's tons, and to be honest I haven't been there in quite some time. Kerithwyn Jade, Dannell Lites, Bonita Del Rio, and Dark Mark have written lots of good stuff, and I also have a personal preference for G'leep and Tonya.
(And what other comics do you read? Just mostly DC superheroes, or other stuff as well?)
Almost all the current comics I read are DC superheroes, Daredevil and Fantastic Four excepted. My back issues are more varied, and include vast quantities of 80s-and-early-90s X-Books and things like Power Pack, New Warriors, and the New Universe titles. (Anybody else out there who liked the NU?)
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Date: 2003-12-09 04:00 am (UTC)I couldn't tell you for certain. This was before I had understood the purpose of authors, and I don't have access to them now.
Which TPB
Um, the Darkness Saga, I think is what was tempting me. The only LSH related thing I have now is Crisis, and I only got that because I wanted to get the distinction between the old and new 'verses. My metal map of the DC Universe still has stuff like Kandor and Mon-el in it, and really goofy things instead of angsty things that make no sense if you weren't there when it happened. < /grumble >
The current stuff I get is mostly graphic novels & TPBs, because they last longer when you throw them in a backpack, and also because there's no trouble with tracking down the whole arc. What issues I do get tend to be Vertigo, and 1602 (of course), and, um, a backissue of x-men with a picture that struck me as well thought out, and The LoEG... But my graphic novel collection is somewhat more random.
I'm annoyed at Daredevil b/c of the movie, and I never really got into the Fantastic Four, although these may just be signs of my absurd loyalties to DC. I do have a large number of
piratedx-men issues on CD, but they've gotten so bad lately I can't even be bothered to do that.Um.
I think that, remembering the old comics and the current ones, the current ones are written for a much more mature audience, and one that seems more or less willing to follow extended arcs instead of a ten page story. So I happened to get them in the right order, but I think that, if I decided to be fair (and had more spare time and more spare money), I would notice that characterizations and such are more developed and the story lines can't possibly be anymore silly, even if they are extended. (Based on what I've seen, anyway.)
However, I think that the comic geek in me gets all the matureness she needs from the gaiman & moore & miller & vertigo stuff, and when I think of LSH it's for the amusement. Like, that one where Brainy freaks out because, whatsits name, Proty 2? is in his lab pretending to be some sort of rectangle thing when he's busy making robots that will eventually try to take over the world? No?
Maybe it's just funny in my head. Anyway. Sorry for the ramble. There is a distinct lack of people who understand when I talk of such things, and you were unfortunate enough to grab my attention.
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Date: 2003-12-08 10:52 pm (UTC)Considering how Flash manages to fit his in a ring somehow (at least I vaguely remember seeing that) it's not that much of a challenge. Clearly it's all those advanced synthetic materials which you can squish really small. And Superman's cape never shows under Clark's suits either.
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Date: 2003-12-08 11:36 pm (UTC)Seriously, I'm well aware that this is a genre convention, and normally I wouldn't comment (well, probably), but somehow this particular instance (in #255, if anyone's interested) just really made me go "say what?" Partly it was the fact that they made an explicit point of how he'd had to get into costume inside of three seconds (Flash at least makes sense, there :), partly it was that really tight shirt (not that I'm complaining, you understand ;), but mostly it's that it's Green Arrow. Hiding costumes under your clothes is one thing, but what on earth is he doing with the bow and arrows? Sticking them in a handy dimensional pocket? :)
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Date: 2003-12-09 12:03 am (UTC)ROTFLMAO! Don't tell this to a room full of academics... EVER!
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of PROFESSORS GONE BAD! BWAH HA HA HA HA
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Date: 2003-12-09 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-09 03:47 pm (UTC)HA
HA
HA
!!!
--So it turns out that if Superman and Batman both had kids, Clark Jr. winds up with the brawn and the brains, while Bruce Jr. is a hot-headed skirt-chaser. I'm repressing my desire to see these two meet Tim and Kon-El. Really.
The Super-Sons! Oh, them meeting the boys would be just perfect. :D
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Date: 2003-12-09 05:35 pm (UTC)I had never previously read a Super-Sons story; I'd just heard the name spoken in hushed whispers around the cyber-campfire. The reality is...disturbing. But strangely addictive. :)
I have images of Kon and Bruce Jr. taking to each other immediately and going off to paint the town, while Clark Jr. feels left out and Robin gulps Excedrin. :)
Resistance Is Futile
Date: 2005-11-04 12:03 am (UTC)Dude, you so seriously have to write this. (Have no comic books, and thus can't write it myself). Kon would dislike Bruce Jr. on sight because he's a Bat (and not theloveofhislife, Tim) and they'd be all competitive, and Tim would be miffed with Clark Jr., because Clark Jr. would be mentally comparing him to Bruce Jr., and Tim and Clark Jr. would raise eyebrows at each other, a la Alfred, and...
*brain explodes* Dude, please? *makes Puppy!Eyes of Doom (TM)*